I was moving on autopilot, most of my mind having simply switched off for the duration.A hand touched my arm, gently, then more assertively as I seemed to fail to notice ... or to stop, as I apparently should have done. I looked around, startled out of my reverie ... and found myself looking at May, looking at me with kindly concern. For a moment, I didn't recognise her, then I found that I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I must have stood staring at her for a few seconds, as people jostled and shoved past us, and then I began to cry, very softly. She took me in her arms and hugged me.It was about half an hour later, by which time I was sitting on the sofa at May's home, sipping from a cup of camomile tea, before things began to coalesce into some semblance of normality. I'd stopped crying in the taxi - it was never really a big thing, more a way to relieve the pressure in my skull rather than any outpouring of grief. I knew that would come - I had been preparing for this for. Well little to me knowing Michael has this fetish that I just learned about two weeks ago. One night Michael and I were just taking a joy ride thru his town that he grew up in and that I have never been to. He pulled off the road about a mile down this dark dirt trail. From his glove box he pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds. He asked me first if it would be ok if he had one. I just looked at him and said “ I didn’t know you smoked”. He then said “ baby if you don’t want me to smoke I won’t”. I looked at him again and said “ I am not your mother, you can do what ever it is that you wanna do, and I will not stop you from smoking I just didn’t know you smoked”. And with that said he pulled out a cigarette from the pack, put it between his hot lips. He pulled a Zippo from his blue jeans pocket, opened the lid, struck it on his jeans, it lit he looked at me and put the flame of the Zippo to the Red and lit it. This was just to much for me to handle he looked so HOT my god, he just.
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